Ryan's First Steps

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a toddler on our hands!

Ryan was actually doing even better earlier today (getting up and down by himself) but this was all that I was able to catch on video.  We are so proud of him!

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Since October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I am sure that you have been seeing those little pink ribbons pop up in random places (clothing, bumper stickers, grocery bags, facebook profiles, etc).  Everybody knows what they are.  The ribbons have become so common that people don’t even stop to associate them with sickness, suffering, and death.  To many, they are simply a cute marketing scheme that does not affect them personally (thank goodness!)

But to cancer survivors and our loved ones, these ribbons symbolize strength, patience and bravery.  They represent our dark moments, despair and grief, and also our pride and accomplishment.  Although nobody thinks that they will be unlucky enough to get breast cancer, let these pink ribbons remind you to be your own advocate when it comes to your body and health.  Become educated, overly cautious, and persistent, because nobody else is going to fight for you.  This is true not just for this month, but throughout the entire year.

Lately I have been thinking about how much I have changed since my diagnosis/treatments, becoming a mommy, and supporting my mom through her own battle with cancer (all in the same year).  I think that the most important lesson for me has been to become at peace with the fact that I will never know what the future holds.  With true acceptance of this, I value each day for it’s miraculous beauty without feeling worry about what may or may not come.  The future isn’t an issue, because right now, in this moment, I am loving everything around me and everyone here with me.  When I leave the future up to God, I am free to fully enjoy the moments of my life as they happen.

The other night I actually gave myself my own Lovenox shot in the tummy.  Yes, it hurt and felt like bee stings for about ten minutes, but I barely noticed because I was so proud of myself for overcoming my biggest fear that I have had since childhood.  This personal accomplishment may not sound like much to some people, but I know that I have come a long way from being a needle phobic.

I strongly believe that anyone can do anything that they set their minds to.  I know it sounds cliché, but I have learned from experience that our minds are so much more powerful than we give them credit for.  Positive thoughts can make all the difference in determining whether your situation is a hopeless tragedy or a life-changing opportunity for personal growth.  I think that if we can gain this perspective while we are young, it will make the rest of our lives much more enjoyable and fulfilling.  

Post Exchange Surgery

Yesterday’s surgery went extremely well and it also seems like recovery is going to be a breeze.  I feel a little achy and tired, but nothing really hurts.  I haven't even needed to take any pain medicine.  My boobs actually feel better than before, because they are now soft, squishy, and comfortable.  The worst part is having to wear this stiff, ugly support bra for the next week in order to reduce swelling:

Me at less than 24 hours post-operation

I am thankful that the surgeon was also able to sew up an open wound that was left over from my port infection.  This is what it looks like now, and after it heals, it should be nothing more than a faint little scar line:

This surgery was much easier than I expected, especially compared to what I have been through on this long journey of treatments.  I began this year with a lumpectomy surgery, which led to my shocking diagnosis.  I then went on through four months of chemotherapy, complete with a port infection, sepsis in my blood, clots in my arms, pulmonary embolisms, and terrible, unmentionable side effects.  I have been through dozens of bags of IV antibiotics, daily shots, pills, a picc line, and tons of medical testing.  Over the summer, I had a double mastectomy surgery with tissue expanders placed inside of me for the next three and a half months.  Now that I have completed my implant exchange surgery, the last thing for me will be a minor procedure in the office where the surgeon will make some final touch-ups to my scars and nipples. 

By the end of December, I should hopefully be finished with breast cancer forever and be able to close this chapter in my life.  Although it sounds like I have been through a lot, this has all made me stronger, more compassionate, and more aware of the beauty in life.  I love and value my family and friends more than ever.  I am so thankful to God for bringing me through this.  What a crazy and unforgettable year!