When you hear that you have cancer, the world stops. It feels like you are suddenly thrown into some kind of parallel universe where you aren’t really “you” and nothing makes sense no matter how hard you try to understand it. Its like you are just going along with your everyday life, never knowing any different, and then the world unexpectedly crashes down on you so hard that you can’t even remember what “normal” is supposed to feel like. You stop doing the things that you enjoyed. I don’t even recognize the girl that I was three weeks ago. I still wake up from nightmares every day, but now I’m so much more scared of reality that I wish that I could just go back into the “bad dream” instead of having to face life.
For the past two years, my mom (who I am very close with) has been battling stage 4 colon cancer and she has been fighting so hard for all of us. She has put herself through every kind of treatment offered, never giving up, even when the pain and side effects became unbearable. She has been so strong and amazing! It took all the strength I had to watch the woman I love and admire go through this, trying give her all of the support I could. I know that seeing me happy makes her happy, so I was determined to be positive and loving life because I know that is what she wants for me. I put myself in denial about her cancer, and convinced myself that she was going to be just fine and that she would always be here with me. That was the only way I could think about it to get by.
Now we both have cancer. You just don’t expect to get cancer at the same time as your mom, especially when you’re only 26 years old and she is only 53. Everyone tells me that we are both “too young for cancer”. But I guess cancer doesn’t discriminate, and that statistics don’t really mean anything. They say that it is genetic. I did have a grandfather and two great aunts with cancer. But I still didn’t think that it would happen to me. I’ve had a healthy lifestyle, eating right and exercising. I never smoked or did anything that they say “might” cause cancer. But for some reason, this was meant to happen in my life at this time. I’m working on finding acceptance and a way to cope with everything.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeramiah 29:11
Dear God, I pray for peace in my heart. Please prepare me mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically for overcoming this obstacle in my life. I pray that you continue to give my mom the strength to heal from her liver radiation procedure, so that she can come home from the hospital and not be in pain anymore.